The LomoKino

Bought the camera that makes this wonderful stuff today.

*Excited dance*

Opportunities, Risks and Chances

I thought that I was past the risk and opportunity phase of my life, until recently.

Lately i've been spending many a day thinking tirelessly in my own mind wondering what was wrong within myself, why was life still a struggle and not fulfilling enough even though id earned my career 4 years ago and I was on a successful path? Why do I come home at the end of every week, get in bed, roll up, shed a few tears and not want to face the world all weekend? Why is my life becoming so unrewarding that even speaking is becoming exhausting? A few weeks a go i reached breaking point, and decided to shut myself off from the world.

Some put my behaviour down to 'birthday blues' (not wanting to turn 27 get old), Maybe the pressure of everyone around me getting married and having children might be adding to my loss of fulfillment... all wrong.

The short story is, I'm an artist, and a teacher, I have a million strings to my bow (I've studied non stop, completed 4 different courses, and been in uni for 6 years of my life) and the overall problem is - I'm restricted to be myself in all that i'm doing with my life at the moment, restricted to create. How can i possibly let myself be restricted forever? My teaching job is that full on and that full time, i can't seem to find the time for myself, to be myself, do what i love.

I can't exactly pinpoint when my brain finally started working again and at what precise moment I woke up, but I did and I'm thankful. Over the next year I face major risks and I'm taking life changing chances but I'm bloody looking forward to the awaiting opportunities coming my way. And i've already made some changes...

I've decided to quit teaching, go back to uni yet again and become my own boss. Drastic yes, and right - absolutely.

Not everyone who knows me has been quite so supportive, some haven't even uttered a word or even give me a facebook 'like' since breaking the news via a status. I've heard it all the last few weeks... " Ohhh, every jobs hard, you're giving up too early... you have a very professional job are you sure you can you cope with take a step down and be looked down upon by others... what about the money... what about the holidays... studying again... you don't really want a real job your just biding you time to never work again...What if it doesn't work out..."

But what about if it does?

HOW ABOUT, I'm wasted, i work in a place that i cant practice what i've spent all my life working towards, paying towards and achieving great things in! Why can't i quit my job and bloody earn more rewards and achieve even greater things? Why the hell do i have to stop creating, exploring, dreaming, making just because i now have a 'proper' job, just because you don't agree doesn't mean i have to stop everything i love, everything I'm good at just so i don't offend delusional 'by the book' robots??

I couldn't give a ratssssssssssss asssssssssssssssssss. I'm great at what I do and i'll bloody do it. Maybe if some people took risks and chances they might not be so unfortunate, so boring, so uninspiring, so wrapped up in being negative all the time, and maybe they could have achieved greater things. There's no limit on when to stop. So don't tell me to. Coz i'll just do it anyway.

And I have. Get over it.

Life in education has stripped me of who I am. Teaching owns my life, i don't, it has me tied up and it puts my creativity and personality in a box, right next to me, where i can see it but i can't touch it. If i want to touch it, i have to jeopardize big political uproar. Opening it up to explore and dream, it will come at a price, i can't just have it when i want it, it doesn't come first, i don't come first, and until i become untied i won't ever be able to touch it. So that's why I'm untie-ing myself and I'm grabbing my box and I'm running with it, to a safe place where I'm going to open it again, and I'm going to let it all spill out everywhere. No one should ever pack away what makes them, them, and not be allowed to ever touch it again.

I'm gong back to what i do best and this time I'm gonna blast it right up the bot bot and I'm gonna love every minute until i can't cut, stick, write, draw and photograph any longer... I'l do it til i die.

All will be revealed soon... so watch this space. In the meantime I have a calendar with 30 weeks marked out, thats the amount of time I have until life begins again... and my box will burst open and I can be me again.

Thank you to everyone who believes in me. I owe you the world.

A few quotes to help along the way...

He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.

Take a chance! All life is a chance. The man who goes the furthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare. The 'sure thing' boat never gets far from shore.

Playing safe is probably the most unsafe thing in the world. You cannot stand still. You must go forward.

If you never budge, don't expect a push.

One of the reasons mature people stop learning is that they become less and less willing to risk failure.

It is true that when we take chances, we stand to lose. But it is also true that we will never win anything if we never even enter the game.

Do you want to be safe and good, or do you want to take a chance and be great?

If you play it safe in life, you've decided that you don't want to grow anymore.

No gallant action was ever accomplished without danger.

If you want to achieve a high goal, you're going to have to take some chances.

When you play it too safe, you're taking the biggest risk of your life. Time is the only wealth we're given.

Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.

Lana Del Rey - Video Games

One of my favourite artist at the moment, her songs are absolutely outstanding. The video to this song is just Beautiful evokes so much beauty in my soul ♥♥

Tony Bennett & Lady Gaga - The Lady Is A Tramp

Not a big Lady Gaga fan but WOWZERS... unbelievable, just beautiful ❤